E035 I 5 Self-compassion steps to transform anxious thoughts now

Have you ever wondered if there's a simple, yet powerful way to manage your anxiety without feeling overwhelmed?

Many people unknowingly exacerbate their anxiety by building emotional barriers, mistakenly believing they need to suppress their feelings to find peace.

This episode reveals how embracing self-compassion can be a game-changing solution, unlocking a more serene, balanced life.

You will discover the powerful, transformative practice of self-compassion and learn how it can break the cycle of stress and enhance your well-being on this journey of healing.

BY THE TIME YOU FINISH LISTENING, YOU’LL DISCOVER:

- The surprising connection between self-compassion and reduced anxiety levels.
- Practical, actionable steps to integrate self-compassion into your daily routine.
- How to shift from self-criticism to support and acceptance.

As you embrace these insights, you’ll find yourself on the path to transforming anxiety into peace and building a nurturing, loving relationship with yourself.

OTHER LINKS MENTIONED IN THIS EPISODE:

Episode 1- How I healed my daughter’s severe health issues when conventional medicine failed

Book: The mindful path to self compassion

 Free guide: Transform Anxiety into Peace: The 5-Step Self-Compassion Breakthrough.

Buy the Self-care Makeover eBook: Transform Your Routine, Transform Your Life.

Chapters

• 3:03 Living in a chronic survival mode
• 7:24 Self compassion is a form of acceptance
• 9:28 A few common ways anxiety shows up in your life
• 12:59 Why building emotional barriers to protect yourself backfires
• 15:52 5 ways to embrace a more compassionate approach
• 19:35 Why embracing self-compassion is vital to your inner peace

Transcript

 Are you tired of the constant battle with anxiety? Feeling like peace is just out of reach. You are not alone. Many struggle in silence, chasing solutions that don't stick. But what if? What if what you've heard about managing anxiety is really incomplete?

In today's episode, I'm going to dive into the game changing power of self-compassion. And whether you have a major anxiety or there is an undercurrent of anxiety running through your life right now because of the challenging times, because of the news that you are bombarded with. This is a technique that has been proven to be really effective. And there are, of course, other physiological reasons connecting anxiety to the health of your gut. But for the purpose of this episode, I have decided to focus on the mental and emotional aspects around anxiety and a lack of mental peace.

So stay tuned as I reveal a surprisingly simple method you can start using today that is embracing self-compassion. This is not just another self-help tip, it's actually a paradigm shift. And even if you don't have anxiety, embracing self-compassion can still help you to lead a more serene and balanced life. Are you ready for a breakthrough? Let's dive in.

That's all coming up next, right here on Embrace Your Healing Journey.

Welcome to Embrace Your Healing Journey, a podcast for women with autoimmune and other chronic conditions to help them navigate the illness without fear of isolation and uncertainty and find relief from their symptoms. Your body is your guide and ally in healing. If you're ready to embrace this journey with compassion and awareness, then the show is for you. Tune in weekly as I, a Functional medicine Certified health Coach, deliver tips and insights that demystify the healing process, guiding you towards the relief you deserve so that you can feel healthy and happy once more.

I remember when I first came across this book, The Mindful Path to Self-compassion. It's by Christopher Goma, and till that time in my life, which is not that far ago, actually long ago, till that time in my life, I believe that the only way to get ahead and be successful in life was to keep pushing myself and even criticize myself if necessary, so that I did not become complacent. Because that's the message I had got my entire life until that point. And I had also learned that in order to be happy, I had to avoid paying at all costs. That's the only way to be happy. Of course, you can't avoid pain. I mean, that's not part of it, but I used to at least try.

 So one way that I found that I thought I could avoid pain and disappointment was to build barriers. These are mostly emotional barriers that I learned over time to build around me to avoid disappointment, failure, and even the harsh realities of life. And as you can imagine, this is not really a successful venture. Also, I had lost my father at the age of 12, so I knew better than many people how things can change for the worse and just how hard life can be. So I used to, you know, be scared of the of an uncertain futures. I was insecure to a large extent, and after he passed away for many years, my mother, my younger brother and I were in chronic survival mode of course, we had a share of happy moments as time went by and we adjusted to the new reality of a life. But the message that I got was, uh, you know, first and foremost that it was us against the world,

 It was us versus them. That's the message that I got constantly. And if you're living in this constant survival mode, it's really becomes hard to find lasting happiness because as a survival mechanism, this is really what we needed to do at that point during our crisis. So it's honestly a survival mode. So and that's absolutely fine. But finally, when you're out of this crisis mode, the same strategy can actually backfire and preventing prevent you from finding happiness and peace in your life.

You see, when you build emotional barriers to keep out pain, sadness, grief, anxiety, disappointment, and other such negative emotions, you also keep out all the positive emotions, whether it's hope, whether it's love. Uh, you know, any any of the positive emotions as well. This is why it's best to find a middle part when you're struggling and swinging between facing and avoiding your difficulties, so there is a middle path. As for me, it was the experience of almost losing my daughter many years later. It that made me realize just how guarded I had become and how much it was costing me.

So it was a wake up call in many, many different ways. And I've shared that in episode one, it was as if the grief of almost losing her brought back the unprocessed grief around losing my father and all the barriers that I had built so carefully. They all came crashing down and I myself became more aware of how much this barrier these barriers were costing me and how much they would honestly prevent me, or for finding a solution to our health, uh, to her health issues.

 This book came into my life just when I was ready to receive it. When I look back and, you know, I'm really grateful that this book came into my life when it did. But I also now understand what they say when, uh, you know what I mean. When they say when the student is ready, the teacher appears. So it taught me a middle path. So self-compassion and mindful self-compassion actually taught me a middle path to dealing with my pain, my grief, and made me realize that denying what I was going through was only going to prolong the pain. So it helped me to accept my daughter's health issues, the situation that we were in. The uncertainty of the whole thing, the uncertainty about her future. And, you know, we didn't really know what would what was going to happen to her. There she was on strong medications. And it also helped me avoid developing a victim mentality like "Why has it happened to us?" Or, you know, I helped her to avoid such a victim mentality "Why me?" adopting this kind of a victim mentality robs us of any power to do anything about our situation.

Because you see, self-compassion is really a form of self acceptance. It allows you to see things as they are, not just how you want them to be, and that should be your starting point. So for us, when we were struggling for so many years, not able to see any silver lining in the dark gray clouds that were constantly surrounding us, self-compassion allowed me to soothe and comfort myself. This gave me the strength and motivation to carry on and find a solution to my daughter's health problems down the line. It was a long, lonely journey till there, but it was worth every single hour that I spent on that.

And whenever I was worried or felt anxious about her future, I would remind myself to be kind to myself in those times of suffering. And I realized over time that this was the middle path I had been looking for. So and this gave me the courage to stay on track and figure out a solution.

As the author Christopher Germer says in this book,

Self-compassion is a form of acceptance, whereas acceptance usually refers to what's happening to us accepting a feeling or a thought. Self-compassion is acceptance of the person to whom it's happening. It's acceptance of ourselves when we are in pain.

Compassion comes from the Latin roots com (with) and pati (suffer) or to suffer with. Self-compassion is simply giving the same kindness to ourselves that we would give others. We all have an instinct for self-compassion, perhaps forgotten or suppressed, but that's even stronger than the instinct to resist suffering. Fortunately, self-compassion can be cultivated by any one.

So the rest of this episode I will share some ways. I will share a lot of insights, so make sure that you stay tuned right till the end. And I also have a free guide coming up for you. It's called Transform Anxiety into Peace and I'll be sharing the link below. It's a free guide with a five step self-compassion breakthrough. Make sure that you get your copy today.

So as you navigate through life, you may find yourself feeling overwhelmed by a persistent undercurrent of anxiety about some situation in life. Or it can also be some challenge that you are facing, you know? And what I've found is that very often we are unaware of how much the constant stream of negative news that are surrounding us these days around death, destruction, destruction, wars, we can really contribute to this undercurrent of anxiety that might be going on just underneath the surface. And we may feel restless and we we not really understand why we feel this way, but we are constantly worried about the, you know, about the future of not only for ourselves, but for our children and our grandchildren. And in fact, this kind of undercurrent of anxiety, or maybe even full blown anxiety, it can manifest in various ways, actually.

So you might experience a constant stream of racing thoughts, making it difficult for you to focus on any one task or enjoy the present moment.

Or perhaps you might find yourself trapped in a cycle of self-criticism where no matter what you achieve, it's never quite good enough.

Anxiety might also show up physically for you, so leading to muscle tension, frequent headaches, or even an uncomfortable tightness in your chest.

Another common way that anxiety can show up, especially in women, is striving for unattainable perfection. And this can leave you feeling exhausted and perpetually unsatisfied. So you keep pushing yourself harder and harder, and you do not acknowledge any limits that you, yourself, or your body might have. This is quite common, actually.

And finally, you could be plagued by a constant fear of failure preventing you from taking risks or trying new things because you really are scared of making mistakes. And these symptoms can form a relentless cycle of stress and anxiety. But what I want you to know is this by cultivating self-compassion, you can begin to break free from these patterns. And you can start that doing today.

And as I mentioned, I will be sharing a free guide, Transform Anxiety Into peace, which is a five step self-compassion breakthrough process. So make sure that you grab your copy today.

So the real issue behind your symptoms of anxiety often lies in the way you process and respond to both your thoughts and your environment and your emotions. Especially when you're dealing with high stress situations. And as I mentioned, since you're constantly bombarded by messages from society, family, even your own high expectations of yourself, it can become really easy for you to practice self-criticism and perfection. And this is so common. I mean, there's so many women around me in my personal life, in my professional life, that I keep hearing that, you know, we are you know, I am constantly striving for this perfection, this unattainable standard. And that's the problem. It's not about self-development. It's not about progress. It's about achieving the unattainable. And that can really make us suffer from low self-esteem, for that matter. And this relentless pursuit of meeting these expectations, even when they are unattainable, that actually adds to the stress. So it affects your mental and physical health. And as I mentioned this, you know, there's a lot of there's a lot of news around us that surrounds us all the time.

And most of it is negative because, you know, we have something called a negativity bias. A brain has something called a negativity bias. Uh, which and I'll share a link below wherein, uh, our brain remembers the negative much more than it remembers the positive. So that's a kind of a survival mechanism. It's helped us in surviving millions of years as this species, but it really plays against us today. So when we are constantly bombarded by negative news, uh, especially negative news, it can really amplify these feelings, leaving us anxious and unsettled. And this is actually what sells. And the media capitalizes on this negativity bias.

So perhaps the early experiences taught you to suppress uncomfortable emotions like, like it did for me, viewing them as weaknesses or hindrances to your success. And as I mentioned, you may have built emotional barriers to protect yourself from pain, sadness, and failure and intentionally blocked out positive emotions too. This leads to an imbalance like it did for me. So without embracing and accepting your vulnerability through self-compassion, that means being kind to yourself and you are suffering.

You are caught in this cycle of tension and tension and self-doubt, and then this lack of self-compassion can then encourage fears of failure. It can even lead to an obsession with perfection and, of course, contribute to ongoing anxiety. And as I mentioned, it may be full blown anxiety. It may be this undercurrent of anxiety that you may not be even aware of. And it may be that you are not dealing with any of this, but it's good for you to understand how all this plays out in your mind. Uh, because by learning to cultivate self-compassion, you can break free from this restrictive patterns.

You may have already tried numerous approaches to tackle this anxiety. And each you know, you might have delved into self-help books or online resources. Perhaps you have practiced, you know, tried meditation or mindfulness practices. But what often happens is that the without this crucial component of self-compassion, you may not have found lasting results.

This actually happened to a client of mine who has and such an amazing meditation practice where she gets up at around 2 or 3 in the morning and does two hours of meditation every single day. She's a quite a spiritual person. But one thing was missing from her practice, which was self-compassion. And when she found she became aware of this, and when she added this component into her meditation practice, into her life. Actually, it is not just about meditation practice, it's for the entirety of your life. And she was able to add that her whole life changed. Her outlook towards her changed as she became kinder to herself, and she found the peace that she was not able to find till then.

And in your pursuit of peace, there could have been moments where you threw yourself into work or try to distract yourself from with hobbies. But again, when the anxiety returned, it was persistent and undeterred. And as for as similar to many, many women and men, of course, any attempt to suppress or ignore negative emotions can often leave you feeling exhausted. And no, and that's not really a long term solution and you know it.

So these efforts, though genuine, may not address the root issue. That means the way you relate to yourself during challenging times. That's what you need to change. And that's why you need to take this different approach. So instead of continuing with those strategies that are not really giving you the results that you are seeking or the relief that you're looking for, it's time to embrace a more compassionate approach towards yourself. And of course, I'm talking I'm basing this on this particular book, The Mindful Path to Self-compassion by Christopher Germer.

Also compassion is something that runs through my entire coaching program, my body wise healing methodology that I use in my program. Indeed, it's one of the, um, one of the themes that runs through my philosophy, coaching philosophy, uh, self-compassion. The other one is body awareness, and the other one is authenticity. But let's get back to what you can do instead.

These are the five things that you can do.

Number one, acknowledge and accept your emotions. So you can start by recognizing your emotions, no matter how uncomfortable they are. And instead of suppressing or fighting them, you allow yourself to fully experience these feelings. As I mentioned earlier, self-compassion begins with acceptance accepting the person you are when you are in pain.

Number two, practice mindful self-compassion techniques so you can integrate practices such as mindfulness meditation because it encourages you to be present without judgment. You are not judging yourself. And this particular book, as I've been talking about, The Mindful Path to self-compassion, offers valuable insights into combining mindfulness with self-compassion.

Number three reframe self-talk. This is one of my favorite, um, changes or practices that I take my clients through in my coaching program. Because this is a this is something that is so real for so many of us This internal dialogue that we are where we are constantly talking really poorly to ourselves. It's self-criticism. And it's about when you notice negative self-talk, you're consciously replacing it with affirmations of understanding and support. So basically you are being kind to yourself. And this is a practice, as I mentioned I do with all of my clients. They all need to, uh, change the way they talk to themselves. So it means that they are shifting their self-talk from being an inner critic to an inner coach. And this is a very, very important practice. And I've shared a few other practices in a podcast that I had done earlier. I've shared the link below. You can listen to that as well.

So number four, embrace common humanity. Understand that suffering and mistakes are a shared human experience. We all experience this right? You are not alone in your struggles and not alone in making mistakes. And this can help actually remove feelings of isolation that often accompany anxiety.

And number five, nurture yourself with self-care. So focus on cultivating self-care routines that emphasize compassion over criticism. So whether it's through a peaceful walk in nature, journaling, or spending time with loved ones, choose activities that helps you to do this. And in fact, I have a free book on self-care. It's called the Self-care Makeover Transform Your Life, Transform Your Routine. You can purchase this book. I'm sharing the link below in the show notes.

So these are the five step breakthroughs, um, that I talked about. I am putting them in a free guide for you which you can access, and that link will also be shared below.

The first one was acknowledge and accept your emotions. The second practice mindfulness mindful self-compassion techniques. Number three reframe self-talk. Number four embrace common humanity and number five nurture yourself with self-care.

So by integrating these self-compassion techniques into your everyday life, you can actually break the cycle of anxiety. And that's when you start moving to inner peace. So, as you can see now, embracing self-compassion is vital because it helps transform your relationship with your self. That's what you're trying to do here, and that's going to help you break the cycle of anxiety and stress. And by practicing this, you're not only addressing the surface symptoms, but also tending to the root cause. That means the way you interact with your own thoughts and feelings. And this makes you helps you to navigate any challenges that come, come in your life. You know, life is a series of ups and downs. You can't really avoid stressful situations. You can't avoid difficult times. That's a given. But when you cultivate self-compassion, you provide yourself with this nurturing internal environment.  And that's what helps you to navigate any challenges that come your way with greater ease and resilience.

And that's exactly what happened to me because of the practice of self-compassion that I developed over the years, it allowed me to keep going at a time when things were so hard. It allowed me to not lose hope. It allowed me to constantly find a solution for my daughter's health issues. It allowed me, uh, to eventually reach where I am today. And you see, when you begin to understand that, you know, as I mentioned, that, uh, setbacks and mistakes. And I made many mistakes along the way. They are just part of the human experience. You're able to forgive yourself. So self-forgiveness also plays a role in this.

The other thing that happens when you practice self-compassion is that it opens up space for joy and satisfaction, and it helps you to strengthen your relationships. Because what happens is when you learn to extend the same kindness, uh, and, you know, when you are able to show kindness towards yourself and you are at peace with yourself, you are able to extend the same kindness and understanding to others. I think this has been the by far the most important role that self compassion has played in my life, because it has helped me to cultivate extremely, I mean, very healthy relationship with myself and in turn it has helped me to be more tolerant of others faults and mistakes. I mean, of course I still get riled up, I still get upset. I still get irritated. That's part of being human. I'm not a robot, but to a large extent, I'm able to, um, improve my relationships with others because I'm able to tolerate many of the things, simply because I'm able to tolerate them in myself. And this has helped me tremendously to find the inner peace that I that was lacking in the first 30 years of my life.

So understanding the importance of self-compassion creates a powerful desire to learn how you can implement it effectively in your life. And I want you to know that your journey towards finding this inner peace begins now you can.

There are actionable ways that you can practice self-compassion, and this guide, transform anxiety into inner peace is going to help me help you to do that. I've shared the link below. It's a free guide. It has the step by step, five step breakthrough process that I mentioned and some resource resources to get you started.

There is also an option to purchase a self-care e-book, the Self-care makeover e-book that is also that is also available. I have shared the link below to that as well. You can write to me at anindita@aninditarungta. I would love to hear from you. 

Thank you so much for tuning into today's episode of Embrace Your Healing Journey. If you if you found this useful, please feel free to share it with a friend, because sparking a single conversation could ripple out in ways we can only imagine, and we all need to support and lift ourselves up on this journey. Thank you so much for joining me today for this episode of Embrace Your Healing Journey episode. 

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